I'm so often asked what it's like working with death, both those who are aware they're nearing the end of days, accompanying them through their death vigil, and working with families caring for their own dead....Something almost magical happens for many who are dying. Once they get through the initial shock of a diagnosis, once they've processed where they are, and what this means, and made some decisions, and begun to get some of their ducks in a row, there is a shift...to something incredibly powerful.They nearly always reach this stage where more than anything, they want to squeeze every drop of living out of every day that remains. And doing this work? You get to be a part of that journey, a part of that beauty and magic and wonder. Yes, there's a bittersweet element to it, but oh, the sweet parts? Are so very sweet!And no, it isn't this way every time; it's far more likely to happen for clients who transitioned to or have a plan in place for palliative care. If they're yet fighting to survive, and if that fight involves an endless merry-go-round of treatment, they're likely caught up in that rig-a-ma-roll - and all too often folks aren't transitioned to palliative care when they should have been - but that will be a different diary entry, one all about cure versus care.But oh, when someone reaches this space; when they've come to terms with the reality of their mortality, and they're free to look at what remains, from a deeply authentic place? These folks are oftentimes some of the most fully present, deeply alive people you will ever encounter. Time and again I am told something like, "Cancer gave me a gift, a gift I wish I'd long ago been smart enough to realize I'd always had: It helped me realize what really matters. Oh, if only I'd realized this sooner. But at least I have now, and I'm going to make every last minute count."Being around these folks, yes, it can be bittersweet, yes, but oh, how beautiful it can be, and how glorious to engage so frequently with folks who are living from a place of such depth, such authenticity.
Death Doula Diary: Working At The Bookends of Life