My child is not in heaven: Your religion only makes my grief harder - Salon.com

 "October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and while there are countless parents grieving publicly via Facebook and Instagram, posting messages of how their babies have earned their place in heaven, those of us without organized religion are left on the sidelines. Some of us still refer to our babies as angels, though not the kind that float on clouds by pearly gates. We simply lack the language to describe our loss without resorting to theistic terms.

Agnostics and atheists understand why people have faith. We understand it brings them comfort. At times, I wish I could believe that my daughter is watching over me right now while enjoying a beautiful and eternal afterlife. But that’s just not what I believe. Instead, I imagine her in all sorts of places. Maybe her energy shot out into the stars. Perhaps some molecule of her is dancing around on Jupiter. Other times, I think about much of her remaining in my heart, as science tells us part of every child’s DNA remains forever with her mother, a fact that does bring me great peace.

Maggie’s physical remains are in a plastic, white box, swaddled in her hospital baby blanket, and placed inside my bedroom closet, still waiting for the day I am willing to part with them. I really don’t know what happened to her soul, if such things even exist. And while it may comfort you to say to me that my daughter is in heaven, it does absolutely nothing for me or for the countless others who don’t subscribe to your brand of faith — and that is okay."



My child is not in heaven: Your religion only makes my grief harder - Salon.com

How Your Words Can Complicate My Grief | griefministerdotcom

 "I know you mean well and that you want to help and support me in my grief.  I need you to quit trying to come up with answers to my questions.  I need you to talk less and listen more without judging or giving unsolicited advice.  I need you to let me know that you have heard me and are trying to understand me and my grief.  Quit trying to fix me and simply be there for me."  Larry M. Barber



How Your Words Can Complicate My Grief | griefministerdotcom



'via Blog this'

What to say with someone with cancer

 "Do Say:

"Hello, how are you?"

People with cancer still have good days and bad, to say "Hello how are you is fine" (unless it's a bad day, and the response may be, "How the hell do you think I am?!")

Don't say:

[Wailing]
"First Hayley Cropper, and now you! Why why why?!"

Do say:

"So, what have you been up to?"

Living with cancer doesn't stop you from living, unless they're not living, and if that's the case, by asking "What have you been up to?", won't cause much offence anyway.

Don't say

"WOW, you look really shit!"

Cancer can slightly affect your esteem so tread carefully when talking about looks.

Do say:

"So, any news?"

People with cancer sometimes want to talk about cancer, but then sometimes they don't. Let them lead the conversion.

Don't say:

"Will you stop bloody complaining, you think you feel bad, you're giving me a headache!"
"



Surviving pancreatic cancer and my street food life: What to say with someone with cancer