The Chaplain & the Doctor: A Team to Support End of Life

This stirring documentary is a tribute to all who care for those at the end of life. And to the importance of treating the person, not just the disease.

Making Space for Grief

Alexandra Hunt writes:

We have an expectation that sadness should soften quickly and privately. But grief doesn’t operate like that. It’s inconvenient. It’s repetitive. It’s sharp and can cut deep. It shows up long after everyone expects you to be fine. I think we all know that at some level, which is why we avoid it. Not just other people’s grief, but our own....Grief can be what life promised and didn’t deliver. The way we’re taught to carry grief teaches us to shrink. To be careful. To not burden people. To refuse to admit we need to be held. To say things like we’re fine on our own. So when I tried to build something around grief—a space where it could exist openly and where the ask to receive care was upfront—it fell apart in a predictable way. Not because it wasn’t needed. But because we don’t know how to hold it. Because we don’t know how to hold each other. Grief isn’t an interruption to life. Grief is life. It’s what happens when something mattered. When someone mattered. When a version of your life existed and then didn’t. You don’t get to opt out of that. The only choice is whether you have somewhere to put it. And right now, most of us don’t. So it leaks out in other ways. In distance. In disconnection. In relationships that can’t quite hold. In reactivity. In anger. Not because we’re broken. But because we’re carrying something with nowhere to go.

What to Know About Dying

The Washington Post's Ashley Abramson on what death doulas want us to know about dying, including: it can be peaceful, it does not need to be painful, there is sometimes a surge of clarity and energy before death, and hearing is often the last sense to go. Most important, though is this:

Thinking about death while you’re alive can make it less scary Many cultures see death as a positive experience or transition, not something to be feared. While your own end of life can be hard to think and talk about, death doulas encourage doing both. One of the best ways to experience a peaceful death — and a fulfilling life — is to contemplate your own mortality regularly. “The more we allow ourselves to talk about death in every way, the logistical realities and emotional connotation, the less scary it is,” said [Erika] Reid Gerdes.