Guest Post from Sara Bailey: How to Find More Sleep and Peace When You are Dealing With Grief

How to Find More Sleep and Peace When You are Dealing With Grief

Losing a loved one can take such a toll on your mind and body. However, losing sleep can make those effects worse. When grief is robbing you of your sleep, your emotions will feel rawer and your body tenser. To give yourself a break, and allow your body, mind, and soul to heal, try these hints to get better sleep.

Practice Self Care in the Face of Grief

Grief can be a complicated process. Despite studies and research, there really is no good timeline for grief. You may feel your own grief come in waves, with certain triggers causing more pain than others. The loss of a spouse can be especially difficult to deal with, and you may not feel like taking care of yourself at all. However, you have to be able to take each day one breath at a time. You have to allow yourself to have good days and bad, and most importantly, you have to make yourself practice self-care. Self-care is not just a luxury when you are grieving and losing sleep. It is an everyday necessity. Nurture your body by going for a long run in the morning or taking your dog for a relaxing walk. Choose an activity that makes you feel as good as you can right now, and try not to push yourself too far. Exercise is an important step in promoting better sleep, as well as helping you to process your grief. Relaxing your mind and soul is also important for restful sleep, so turn to prayers that promote healing and positive change.

Learn to Build Habits That Help You Heal

You may not be able to escape your grief altogether, but you can take steps to help heal your mind, body, and soul. Begin by building a regular sleeping routine that helps you get the rest you need to restore your energy and health. Set a nightly bedtime that allows you to get seven to eight hours of sleep. Keep your phone and laptops out of your bedroom, and take care with how you eat at night. Some foods hinder sleep, such as those that contain caffeine, sugar, or a lot of spice or grease. Try to avoid these foods in the hours before bedtime. Nourishing your body with comforting, healthy foods is a better idea since you are more likely to have the strength you need while mourning. Try to plan meals ahead, and on the days you feel up to it, make some freezer meals to help you stay on track. You should also avoid alcohol and limit caffeine during this difficult time. These substances can negatively affect your sleep, but they can also impede your ability to heal.

Allow Yourself to Change Elements of Your Life

When you first lose your loved one, you may feel like your standing still in time. Grief tends to trap us in patterns that make life a little more comfortable to bear. Sometimes, however, a little change is just what you need to heal, and to get the rest you need. If you decide to make changes to your bedroom, know that it may be confusing at first, especially when it comes to your loved one’s possessions. If the process feels too painful, do not force yourself to make any sudden changes. Try making simple adjustments that will help you sleep better, such as using blackout curtains to keep your room dark, or lowering the temperature in your room. You may also want to look into sleep-enhancing gadgets, which actually can promote better sleep habits and help you take care of your health.

There’s no way to shorten the cycle of grief, but you can try to at least improve your sleep. Getting rest and allowing yourself to relax is the only way you can recharge your mind and learn to process all of the emotions and responsibilities that come with loss. So try to get more sleep and be positive as you walk this difficult path in life. 

Sara Bailey

Photo Credit: Pexels

Many thanks to Sara Bailey for permission to publish this essay.  

Poem: Parents by Ted Kooser

Parents

My dead parents try to keep out of my way.
When I enter a room they have already left it,
gone off to find something that ought to be done
elsewhere in the house, my dad rolling the Hoover,
my mother with dust rag and Pledge. At times
I’ve heard their old slippers, pattering away
down the hall, or seen for only an instant
what might be the hem of her skirt as it swept
through a door. I leave all the cleaning supplies
where they’re easy to find, and they seem to last
forever. “You don’t need to go!” I call out
through the echoing rooms, but they’ve never
turned back. They leave the floors shining
behind them, and remember to turn off the lights.

Ted Kooser

Wendy MacNaughton on Green Burials

"One guy wanted to be buried in a burlap bag. I said, 'Burlap okay. But no bag. This isn't a Mafia hit.'"


These Days Everyone Wants to Be a Tree

Epitaph on Elizabeth LH by Ben Jonson

Epitaph on Elizabeth, L. H.

BY BEN JONSON

Wouldst thou hear what man can say 

In a little? Reader, stay. 

Underneath this stone doth lie 

As much beauty as could die; 

Which in life did harbour give 

To more virtue than doth live. 

If at all she had a fault, 

Leave it buried in this vault. 

One name was Elizabeth, 

Th' other let it sleep with death: 

Fitter, where it died to tell, 

Than that it liv'd at all. Farewell. 

Epitaph; To Live in Hearts We Leave Behind is Not to Die

“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” 
― Thomas Campbell

Nick Cave on Grieving for His Son

A fan asked musician Nick Cave if he ever felt he was in touch with his son who died. Here is his answer:

Dear Cynthia,

This is a very beautiful question and I am grateful that you have asked it. It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our minuscule selves. We are tiny, trembling clusters of atoms subsumed within grief’s awesome presence. It occupies the core of our being and extends through our fingers to the limits of the universe. Within that whirling gyre all manner of madnesses exist; ghosts and spirits and dream visitations, and everything else that we, in our anguish, will into existence. These are precious gifts that are as valid and as real as we need them to be. They are the spirit guides that lead us out of the darkness.

I feel the presence of my son, all around, but he may not be there. I hear him talk to me, parent me, guide me, though he may not be there. He visits Susie in her sleep regularly, speaks to her, comforts her, but he may not be there. Dread grief trails bright phantoms in its wake. These spirits are ideas, essentially. They are our stunned imaginations reawakening after the calamity. Like ideas, these spirits speak of possibility. Follow your ideas, because on the other side of the idea is change and growth and redemption. Create your spirits. Call to them. Will them alive. Speak to them. It is their impossible and ghostly hands that draw us back to the world from which we were jettisoned; better now and unimaginably changed.

With love, Nick.