Amy Dickinson — How to offer condolences? Readers answer.

"What would have been helpful (and what I do) is to tell the grieving person that their loved one mattered in your life. Even if you did not know the deceased that well you can share a good memory or story. People mistakenly think they shouldn’t remind grieving people of their loved ones, so they never talk about them again. In my experience grieving people like to know their loved ones are remembered."



Amy Dickinson asked readers to tell her what helped them when they were grieving.  All said the same -- be present for them.  Do not try to be philosophical or tell them how to grieve or when to stop.  Let them know that the person they lost mattered to you and if possible share a memory.  Just be there for them.