What to Say When You Meet the Angel of Death at a Party - The New York Times

Kate Bowler writes: "I am keeping vigil in the place of almost death. I stand in the in-between where everyone must pass, but so few can remain."  She describes the well-intentioned but misguided and hurtful comments and suggestions from friends and strangers.

Bowler says that meaningless pieties from those who feel that describing their own losses or those of someone they know shows that they understand. "But I remind myself to pay attention because some people give you their heartbreak like a gift."

What does the suffering person really want? How can you navigate the waters left churning in the wake of tragedy? I find that the people least likely to know the answer to these questions can be lumped into three categories: minimizers, teachers and solvers.

No one can understand. No one can fix it. All she wants is for people to help her stay in the moment and remind her that she is loved.
What to Say When You Meet the Angel of Death at a Party - The New York Times