Thinking About Having a ‘Green’ Funeral? Here’s What to Know - The New York Times

"The specifics of a green burial vary widely, but typically they require far fewer resources for the care of the body and skip a number of the traditional steps, making them better for the environment. Plus, they can save families on funeral costs. Interest in these pared-down, eco-friendly options has grown as people look for ways to cut their carbon footprint. Nearly 54 percent of Americans are considering a green burial, and 72 percent of cemeteries are reporting an increased demand, according to a survey released earlier this year by the National Funeral Directors Association....Here is what Americans put in the ground each year through traditional burials: 20 million feet of wood, 4.3 million gallons of embalming fluids, 1.6 million tons of reinforced concrete, 17,000 tons of copper and bronze, and 64,500 tons of steel, according to the Green Burial Council. Green burials eliminate much of this waste by leaving out almost all of those materials; most bodies are simply wrapped in shrouds made from a biodegradable material like cotton and placed in the ground. And although cremations often have the reputation as being an eco-friendly option, they tend to have an outsize carbon footprint.

... The Green Burial Council’s website has information, a list of providers and additional resources for people interested in green burial. The Order of the Good Death, a collective of funeral professionals, academics and artists, has an informative page about green burials. Looking for a green burial for you and your pet? Visit the Green Pet-Burial Society.




Thinking About Having a ‘Green’ Funeral? Here’s What to Know - The New York Times

How to Really Help a Family Caregiver

"Listen more, advise less. The 1992 classic pop-psych book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus posited that men are problem-solvers and quick to dispense advice, while women are connectors and apt to listen more. But when it comes to helping distressed and weary caregivers, all of us are prone to pushing tips, inspiring stories and resources that we’re sure will lighten their load. For caregivers who seek such advice, this can be helpful. For caregivers who don’t, it is often experienced as an intrusion or, worse, outright criticism of their own caregiving methods. To offer emotional support that’s comforting, just be present and listen. Caregivers will pick your brain if they need direction. Mostly, they will want you to be with them as a trusted witness and confidante.

Time is the greatest gift. Many caregivers have told me that caregiving locks them into whirlwind daily routines of attending to others’ needs. Above all else, they miss time for themselves — to go to the salon or bank, read a book, clean the house or catch up on sleep. The greatest comfort you may offer is the gift of time. Offer to sit with care receivers while caregivers take a break. Pick up supplies for caregivers so they can stay home and relax. Try to make yourself available to listen as often as they need to vent."


How to Really Help a Family Caregiver

When a Grieving Mother Talks, Listen - The New York Times

 "We shouldn’t have to swallow our sorrow for the comfort of society, so if someone is brave enough to speak the truth of their Aidan, please listen. Just sit still and let us spill our shards because maybe if they do not have to be collected so quickly, they will lose just a little bit of their sharpness. We have not evolved enough to care for women like me, not yet anyway. But I have hope that if you can listen and let us speak our truths, perhaps one day we will get there."


When a Grieving Mother Talks, Listen - The New York Times:

Let’s Talk About Suicide – Spencer J. Cox – Medium

Utah's Lt. Governor is speaking out about suicide to make it safe for the kinds of conversations that can prevent it.

"As the students were leaving, a 13-year old girl asked if she could give me a hug. “Of course!” I replied. As she hugged me, she whispered in my ear, “Thank you for talking about suicide. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I needed to hear you say that today.” We moved to the corner and talked for a minute. I told her we desperately need her on this earth. She promised me she would stay. She cried. I cried. We hugged again. I grabbed her teachers and administrators, and they promised they would follow up with her and get her the help she needs. I went back to my office with a lump in my throat and cried some more. Life is so precious. Kids can be impulsive. So, let’s do this together. Let’s lock up our guns. Let’s all download the SafeUT app. Let’s put away our phones and start connecting more. And — seriously — let’s start talking about suicide."

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Let’s Talk About Suicide – Spencer J. Cox – Medium

Let’s Talk About Suicide – Spencer J. Cox – Medium

The Pain of Grief

Giovanni Segantini

Poem: When You Meet Someone Deep in Grief

When You Meet Someone Deep in Grief

Slip off your needs
and set them by the door.

Enter barefoot
this darkened chapel

hollowed by loss
hollowed by sorrow

its gray stone walls
and floor.

You, congregation
of one

are here to listen
not to sing.

Kneel in the back pew
make no sound

let the candles
speak.



Patricia McKernon Runkle

John Pavlovitz: The Grieving Need You Most After the Funeral

John Pavlovitz writes about the importance of support and companionship when the shock of grief begins to wear off. "One of the truths I discovered, that when you lose someone you love—people show up. Almost immediately they surround you with social media condolences and texts and visits and meals and flowers. They come with good hearts, with genuine compassion, and they truly want to support you in those moments. The problem, is that you’re neither prepared nor particularly helped by the volume then. The early days of grief are a hazy, dizzying, moment by moment response to a trauma that your mind simply can’t wrap itself around. You are, what I like to call a Grief Zombie; outwardly moving but barely there. You aren’t really functioning normally by any reasonable measurement, and so that huge crush of people is like diverting thousands of cars into a one lane back road—it all overwhelms the system. You can’t absorb it all. Often it actually hurts...Just as the shock begins to wear off and the haze is lifted and you start to feel the full;gravity of the loss; just as you get a clear look at the massive crater in your heart—you find yourself alone.
 "

The Grieving Need You Most After the Funeral

I Have Cancer and I’m Dying and I’m Ready to Tell My Son

It's one thing to break your own heart. But it's much, much worse to have to break the heart of the child you wish so much you could see grow up. Annette McLeod writes:

"I’m sad for all the things I won’t get to do, read, eat, watch, play with — but mostly I am sorry that I am going to break my own child’s heart. When you would do literally anything to protect him, to know that you’re completely powerless to do so is profoundly … what’s the word for as awful as awful gets?...I told him the least I think he needed to know. I have cancer, and it’s a more serious illness than a cold or a flu. I told him what chemotherapy was in the most child-friendly way I could, and that I would lose my hair. He handled that too, and although he started getting up at least once after he was in bed, looking for nothing more than an extra hug, he didn’t ask any questions.When my hair fell out, he was mostly concerned that I would embarrass him by showing up bald at school. I assured him I would, of course....If I won’t be around to show him how to live well, the least I can do is show him how to die well."



I Have Cancer and I’m Dying and I’m Ready to Tell My Son | Learning

What I Did When I Thought I Had Two Hours to Live | On Being

"When we are told that we have two hours left to live, what we want is to be with the ones we love the most and to tell them that they are loved. Almost no one says, “If I had two hours left, I’d love to have a chance to take revenge.” This affirms my faith that what is most basic to our divine nature is love, intimacy, tenderness, and seeking forgiveness. I wonder, friends, what it would be like to wake up each morning, pondering how we would live if we thought we only had two hours left. With whom would we choose to spend our time? For whom would we pick up the phone? What words would we use to speak with them? So, friends, what would you do if you had two hours to live? And just as importantly, what are you going to do in these next two hours? There will come a time in our lives when we will truly have only two hours to live. How lovely will it be to have lived a life in which we have told everyone how loved they are, asked for forgiveness for all that we have to atone, and forgiven all those around us who yearn for forgiveness. How lovely to greet that moment with no regrets, but with a sense of purpose, meaning, love, tenderness, and forgiveness. Whatever you would do then, do it now. It is now as it shall be then,"

What I Did When I Thought I Had Two Hours to Live | On Being:

Talk About Your Death While You're Still Healthy

Mom says goodbye to son dying of cancer: Then he says 4 words that break her heart - Daily Tips

"Me: You’re in a lot of pain aren’t you baby?
 Nolan: (looking down) Yeah.
 Me: Poot, this Cancer stuff sucks. You don’t have to fight anymore.
 Nolan: (Pure Happiness) I DONT??!! But I will for you Mommy!!
 Me: No Poot!! Is that what you have been doing?? Fighting for Mommy??
 Nolan: Well DUH!!
 Me: Nolan Ray, what is Mommy’s job?
 Nolan: To keep me SAFE! (With a big grin)
 Me: Honey … I can’t do that anymore here. The only way I can keep you safe is in Heaven. (My heart shattering)
 Nolan: Sooooo I’ll just go to Heaven and play until you get there! You’ll come right?
 Me: Absolutely!! You can’t get rid of Mommy that easy!!
 Nolan: Thank you Mommy!!! I’ll go play with Hunter and Brylee and Henry!!”"

Mom says goodbye to son dying of cancer: Then he says 4 words that break her heart - Daily Tips:

The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone through Emotional Pain

"In our own discomfort of feeling painful emotions, we try to help others not feel theirs. It’s difficult for us to see someone we love suffering, and naturally, our first impulse is to try to make it go away, whether it’s through reason, logic, distraction, faith or any other means. We feel helpless, so we desperately reach for what we know, what we’ve been taught, and what others have done to us in our own moments of suffering. We offer trite words that deep down we know won’t help but we hold onto the hope that they will anyway because we don’t know what else to say or do. The more powerful choice is to simply be with someone, accepting and embracing the painful moment as is, without trying to fix or make it better. It goes against our natural urge to want to help, but often, this present moment acceptance of the deep emotions flowing through a person is exactly what they need to help them move through it, in their own time."

The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone through Emotional Pain

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Writing Obituaries | Literary Hub

First, I always start with “the five W’s”: who-what-when-where-why. These always lead to more specific questions. Who is the deceased person? What did he/she do? When were they born, and where? In a hospital? At home? Where in the birth order? Where did they go to school? I ask how historic events affected them. Were they alive during the Great Depression? How did they make ends meet? I go back a little further, too, asking what their parents, grandparents or relatives did. Sometimes you hear fascinating stories about what brought families to Chicago, like maybe jobs at the Jay’s Potato Chips factory, or the chance to study with a famed ballet teacher. Was the deceased person known for a special achievement? It doesn’t have to be a prestigious award. It could be they were once the best polka dancer on Chicago’s Northwest side (which is saying a lot)! A Toronto colleague at the Canadian Jewish news, Ron Csillag, likes to ask, “What is something about the deceased that no one else knows, or that would surprise people?” Another member of the Society of Professional Obituary Writers, John Pope, who writes for the New Orleans Times-Picayune, suggests we look for the “Rosebud”—the thing that was important to the deceased, that made them tick. Canadian journalist Tom Hawthorn suggests you ask about a decisive moment—something that set the person on their path in life. Maybe they were inspired by a teacher who was a nun, for example, and they decided to join a convent. And, I ask about their passions, be it a good cigar, their love for French bulldogs, their appreciation for Denzel Washington, or their ownership of Detroit muscle cars. And I even ask about noteworthy physical attributes. Were they known for a crushing handshake? Their penchant for wearing purple? Their 80 pairs of high heels? And sometimes I ask about their favorite places, be it an island in the Caribbean or at the birdfeeders in their backyard. I guess I could summarize by saying I ask a lot of general questions that lead me to the specific. If they were a phenomenal cook, I even ask for a recipe or two, and we’ll reprint that.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Writing Obituaries | Literary Hub