John Pavlovitz: Do Not Say This to People Who Are Grieving

John Pavlovitz writes about how kindly meant comments can be painful to hear:

They saw my total, alarming devastation, and in their urgency to alleviate some of it, did what good people do when other people they care for are grieving: they said things.

And often the things they said, as birthed from a beautiful place as they were—really hurt. What they so desired to be healing, actually poked the already massive wound in my heart, and made it worse.

It does not help to say: "God needed another angel," "He's in a better place," "Everything happens for a reason," "I know how you feel."

Just say: "I care about you." "I loved him/her." "I will cherish my memories of him/her." "I am sorry."

And do not ask if you can do anything. Just do something.