Mourning a Brother: The New Normal

In The New Normal, Stephanie Wittels Wachs writes about the loss of her brother, the raw, searing pain and the sense of dislocation.

Most of the time, I just feel like some sort of alien who is going through the motions of being human but is from another galaxy and having a hard time fitting into this world. And, no one here can win. I feel angry when people don’t acknowledge the situation, and I feel angry when they inevitably say the wrong thing. “How are you?” or “have a nice day” tend to feel like acts of violence. The public response to such a personal tragedy is simultaneously comforting and horrifying. That first week, you are a trending topic. My entire Facebook feed is you — podcasts, photos, videos, quotes, articles, tributes, blog posts, tweets. Strangers send beautiful messages and flowers. Someone off the Internet even painted a portrait of you that’s now hanging in our house. But then Leonard Nimoy dies and your position of “tragic dead celebrity of the week” is usurped. By the end of Week 2, neither of you are news anymore and everyone goes back to bitching about traffic, making jokes, and sharing baby milestones.