How Therapists Mourn - The New York Times

How Therapists Mourn - The New York Times: "I notice that I’ve developed an automatic rite of remembrance. Whenever my fingers graze one of the file folder tabs of a dead patient, I stop and close my eyes for the briefest moment. I pay silent homage to the deceased.

There is grist here for the interpretive mill. Am I asking forgiveness for having made mistakes? For not having done enough? Perhaps I’m warding off my own fears of being locked away and forgotten someday.

Whatever other meaning there may be in these small, private ceremonies, I believe they primarily speak to the isolation of the therapist when patients die, and the human need to create ritual when death occurs. Therapists do not typically socialize with the people in their patients’ lives. There is no one for me to call about Joseph — no family or friends with whom to share memories, to laugh or to cry.

Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not asking for sympathy. There is no comparing my loss to that of a patient’s family and friends. Yet this is an aspect of my profession that is seldom discussed: Just as what takes place in therapy occurs behind closed doors, so too does the therapist’s grieving after a patient dies.

Therapists mourn alone."



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