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"What cannot be said will be wept." Sappho
Friday, July 24, 2015
"You can trust a human being with grief." "Grief is just love squaring off against its oldest enemy." Kate Braestrup
A chaplain helps others cope with death. #MothPodcast
Really enjoyed Chaplain Braestrup's description of grief. My ex-husband died from Leukemia in August, and this has been the most devastating loss of my 50 years of life. I really believed him to be invincible. You see, I loved him, never stopped. I didn't like living with him, but I always loved him and trusted and learned how to love him as the father of my children (even though my eldest was not his biologically), and as my friend, and as my long-standing default date to any bench mark life-event. I saw his body dwindling, but yet, his spirit appeared in tact, and his forever-a-coach vitality definitely persevered. So, I trusted him as much as I did the first day I met him 21 years ago to push through, take care of everything, and to see miracles through. But this wasn't to be the case. I was genuinely shocked to learn he died on August 16th. My brain is doing its best to wrap around the forever permanency of this truth, but boy is this a challenge. I wished I could have coached him right out of this situation, circumstance, eventuality. I regret trying to 'trick him' into making our lives what I dreamed they could be as a couple. I regret not being there for him as he breathed his last breath. I miss him terribly. The pictures, videos, memories, even his likeness engulfed by our son can't help me reckon with my new normal: he is no longer there. . . my parenting partner, friend, and beloved Ron are forever gone. I will definitely have to ask God about why this surprise ending to our story had to be.
Really enjoyed Chaplain Braestrup's description of grief. My ex-husband died from Leukemia in August, and this has been the most devastating loss of my 50 years of life. I really believed him to be invincible. You see, I loved him, never stopped. I didn't like living with him, but I always loved him and trusted and learned how to love him as the father of my children (even though my eldest was not his biologically), and as my friend, and as my long-standing default date to any bench mark life-event. I saw his body dwindling, but yet, his spirit appeared in tact, and his forever-a-coach vitality definitely persevered. So, I trusted him as much as I did the first day I met him 21 years ago to push through, take care of everything, and to see miracles through. But this wasn't to be the case. I was genuinely shocked to learn he died on August 16th. My brain is doing its best to wrap around the forever permanency of this truth, but boy is this a challenge. I wished I could have coached him right out of this situation, circumstance, eventuality. I regret trying to 'trick him' into making our lives what I dreamed they could be as a couple. I regret not being there for him as he breathed his last breath. I miss him terribly. The pictures, videos, memories, even his likeness engulfed by our son can't help me reckon with my new normal: he is no longer there. . . my parenting partner, friend, and beloved Ron are forever gone. I will definitely have to ask God about why this surprise ending to our story had to be.
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