Holding an Illegal Shiva for My Mom

Mark Effron's rabbi told him that he could not hold a shiva for his mother because it was Sukkoth. He did it anyway.

Back at our house, we held a non-shiva shiva. Mirrors stayed uncovered, family and friends and colleagues descended upon our house and we talked about my mother well into the night. There was plenty of food, plenty to drink.

That’s when I realized that, though I might have felt thrown out of sync at first by the unexpected scheduling, it really was all for the good. My mother got a grand send-off, filled with at turns poignant and hilarious paeans to her warmth and sense of humor. And she would have loved the non-shiva shiva. It wasn’t interrupted by a minyan and solemnity. It was just a damn good party.

As my mother told us as we were planning her 90th birthday party in Florida three years ago:

”All I care about is that we’re all together….and the hall is nice…and the food is delicious.”