Holding an Illegal Shiva for My Mom

Mark Effron's rabbi told him that he could not hold a shiva for his mother because it was Sukkoth. He did it anyway.

Back at our house, we held a non-shiva shiva. Mirrors stayed uncovered, family and friends and colleagues descended upon our house and we talked about my mother well into the night. There was plenty of food, plenty to drink.

That’s when I realized that, though I might have felt thrown out of sync at first by the unexpected scheduling, it really was all for the good. My mother got a grand send-off, filled with at turns poignant and hilarious paeans to her warmth and sense of humor. And she would have loved the non-shiva shiva. It wasn’t interrupted by a minyan and solemnity. It was just a damn good party.

As my mother told us as we were planning her 90th birthday party in Florida three years ago:

”All I care about is that we’re all together….and the hall is nice…and the food is delicious.”

How to Write Your Own Eulogy

How to Write Your Own Eulogy

This beautiful essay by Rabbi Evan Moffic is inspired by his own experiences in delivering eulogies and comforting mourners. "Nothing can totally prepare you for the task of comforting mourners and making sense of death. And nothing better teaches us what makes for a meaningful and well-lived life." He quotes "a saying of the Jewish sages: 'The Righteous, even when they die, are called living.' In other words, the righteous live on in the inspiration and loved ones they leave behind."

Prayer: We Remember Them by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.

Prayer: A Jewish Blessing for Those Who Mourn

Those who are worn out and crushed by this mourning, let your hearts consider this:
this is the path that has existed from the time of creation and will exist forever.
Many have drunk from it and many will yet drink.
As was the first meal, so shall be the last.
May the master of comfort comfort you.
Blessed are those who comforts the mourners.